By
Steven
My name is Steven and for several years now I have been dealing with a mental illness. The onset of which occurred when I was about 13 years old but I did not realize it until I was in my early twenties. I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. For so many years this went untreated. My mother recognized it early on, however, when she would approach me on the subject I would walk away, sometimes yelling at her that I was not crazy! It was not typical teenage behavior. Something was wrong in my brain and I was heading down a path of emotional and mental distress. I would often have feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, lack of motivation and suicide. Other times, I would feel on top of the world, my mind would race with ideas, so fast in fact that I would not have a chance to write them down or express them in any way before a new idea would enter my head. I would stay awake for days at a time and hardly felt like I needed to eat to maintain a steady flow of energy. In fact, I would have so much energy that exercising rarely used enough of that excess energy to make me tired. I had no clue that I was exhibiting some of the typical signs of depression and mania.
As I got into my early twenties, I was offered a job with the county. I dealt with so much new stress and the expectations that were placed upon me were higher than I could handle effectively. My cycling through the mania and depression was down to a schedule, almost like clockwork. I was about a year and a half into my tenure with the county when I suffered a mental breakdown or what I later found out to be a psychotic episode. This happened at work while on the clock and with another employee. At that point in time, I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar Disorder and was put on medication. Disciplinary action was taken against me and my supervisors started getting their “ducks in a row” to terminate me with little hassle from the union. That action took them about another year and a half when I received my termination notice.
After being terminated from the county, I went on SDI and was on the program for 8 months. During that time I did absolutely nothing! I felt myself getting to a point where I could not sit at home anymore so I got back out there and looked for a job. I found a job as a car salesman and got off disability and felt like I was doing better and no longer needed medication. Try and imagine a bi-polar individual working in a cut-throat industry without medication…talk about a recipe for disaster! For the next three and a half years I could not hold a job longer than six months. It would be around that time that anger outbursts and my temper would get me into arguments with management and would result in me being fired or quitting. At the age of 27 I’d had enough and wanted to get back to a stable point in my life.
It was at that point in time when my mother saw an article in the newspaper singing praises about the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and thought it would be a good idea to get involved with that organization to help me get back on track. At first I was scared to go and the thought of being around a bunch of people I thought were mentally unstable did not sit well with me. Reluctantly, I obliged my mother’s requests and went to my first meeting. I wasn’t there very long before I ran across a friend of mine whom I had known for about three years. To see a familiar face there and know that I wasn’t alone in my struggle put my mind at ease. I quickly took to the cause of NAMI and supported their actions to advocate for those with mental illnesses now referred to as brain disorders. I began attending weekly support group meetings and became more active with the 501(c)3 non-profit all volunteer organization.
At that time, I was approached by the President of the Kern County Affiliate of NAMI, Russ Sempell, to act as a mentor for their OutSpoken Young Minds project (OSYM – pronounced “awesome”). This is a support group designed for teenagers and young adults (up to 25 years of age) suffering from a brain disorder. It’s a group that allows the youth to express their feelings in a non-judgmental environment among their peers. This project was designed for this age group because 75% of the time, this is when serious mental health issues unfold. It is in that group that we aim to find better coping skills for problems that arise in day to day life. In sharing our stories with each other, we are able to find strength. We never judge anyone’s pain as less than our own. We often find that in sharing our experiences that we are able to find the humor in some situations and use that as a healthy coping skill. We know that we cannot resolve all of our problems and we expect a better future in a realistic way, and in so doing, we never give up hope!
It is the mission of NAMI and OSYM to reject the stigma associated with brain disorders. We advocate for those who are unable to advocate for themselves. We offer a positive outlet for one’s pain and suffering in our structured support groups so that each of us can take something away from that group to help us cope with daily living. We educate ourselves, our families and loved ones on the illnesses that we have.
Suicide prevention is a vital key in our education. Did you know that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the U.S. for the ages of 15 through 19? You might be surprised to know that one in ten high school students attempt suicide while one in five has had suicidal thoughts within the past year? NAMI Kern County and our State & National organizations are striving to lower those statistics through prevention, education & support such as what we provide through our OSYM project.
